How to Be More Antisocial

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN INTERESTED IN PEOPLE BUT I HAVE NEVER LIKED THEM. — HENRY JAMES

Dress Like Your Surroundings

Suppose you have to attend some party because your parents dragged you to it. Color coordinate with the walls. This way people will not notice you. Bonus points if you have visited the place before. Are the walls pink? Dress in pink. Camouflage yourself. Nobody can bother you if they don’t see you.

Pretend Not to Hear

The secret to mastering this skill is not to make eye contact. Look anywhere except at the person who looks like a potential threat. To master this skill, you need persistence. How many times will the person call you? 3 times? 5 times? You have to block them all. Also, appear to be in deep thought. If they are so keen that they approach you after repeated rejections, you can always say I was wondering about ‘something vague or opaque’. “Didn’t hear you, man (uncle/aunt).”

Do not Initiate Conversation

If you don’t intend to carry on a conversation all night, why start it? It will be tempting. You might think a simple ‘hi’ would do no harm but sweet summer child, it will. That’s how long social interactions start. With a simple ‘Hi’. Be warned. Just nod and smile when you are introduced.

Put on Earphones

If you put on earphones when people try to talk to you, you do not respond. The person bothering you will feel like he’s talking to a wall. If he’s so intent on talking to you, he will raise his voice. Mind you, be resolute. Don’t look up. The shouting will gather a lot of attention and the person bothering you will feel embarrassed. The person may poke you or push you to bring you to your senses.

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